Do you find yourself struggling to communicate with your partner and tired from arguing over the same things repeatedly? This dance that you and your partner got caught up in took over your relationship and left you both feeling frustrated, misunderstood, disconnected, resentful, unloved and alone in the relationship.
Based on Attachment Science, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) explains that we human beings are wired for connections. We all have the longing to be seen, to be heard, and to be accepted. We have the desire that when we reach for our significant others, they will be there to answer us. When we sense emotional disconnection in our relationships, it causes distress and panic in us. These emotional distress are seen as signals that help to orient us, understand our needs, and navigate our relationships.
Let me show you a different way of responding to and engaging with your emotions in such a way that pulls your partner closer to you and helps you both turn towards each other in a caring and supportive way. Let me show you how to cultivate and maintain a safe, secure connection with your partner.
What is complex trauma? Complex trauma refers to exposure to repeated or prolonged traumatic events, usually of interpersonal nature, that typically occur in early life and have long-term effects on a person's development, identity and relationships.
Untreated complex trauma makes one prone to the following:
Emotional: Prone to anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, numbing
Cognitive: Difficulty concentrating, memory issues, negative sense of self, others and the future
Physical: Somatic symptoms (fatigue, headache, GI issues)
Relational: Social isolation, dissatisfying relationships
Behavioral: Avoidance behaviors, substance use, dissociation, self-harm, suicidal ideation
When one or both partners are survivors of complex trauma, they face an extra layer of challenges in how they manage uncertainty, conflict, and disappointment in their relationship. The way one partner expresses his/her emotions, vulnerability and attachment-related needs can easily trigger the other partner's sense of threat and danger, which in turn impact the conclusion the reaching partner makes about their partner, themselves and their relationship.
Let me help you to process and make sense of your experience and struggles through the lens of attachment and trauma and support you in finding your footing in this overwhelmingly unsettling reality.
Fragmentation of Internal System
Do you find yourself struggling to have inner peace? A part of you want to do things differently, yet another part of you is fearful of change? Or you just couldn't get those difficult memories and negative beliefs about yourself off your mind, maybe even reliving those emotions and bodily sensation connected to those incidents?
The Internal Family Systems (IFS) sees the human psyche as naturally multiple, "parts", each with their own perspective, emotions, and roles. On the surface some parts may take opposing approaches, yet they all have positive intentions to protect and survive difficult/traumatizing experiences. IFS believes that at our core, we have the natural, powerful capacity to heal that is called "Self" or "Self-energy". Let me show you the path to restoration of balance and inner harmony that sets you free.
Legacy Burdens
What are legacy burdens? In Internal Family Systems (IFS), these are inherited emotional pain, beliefs or behavioral patterns that a person has inherited from their family, culture or ancestors.
Legacy burdens are passed down through generations, often unconsciously. Some examples of legacy burdens are shame, fear, gender roles, guilt, trauma from war, dissonance, hopelessness etc.
Emotional/Affect Dysregulation
In Polyvagal Theory, complex trauma often from prolonged, repeated interpersonal or relational trauma disrupts a person's ability to feel safe and regulate their nervous system. Untreated complex trauma left trauma survivors often stuck in either hyperarousal "sympathetic" or hypoarousal "dorsal" states. Their nervous systems are constantly scanning for danger even when no immediate threat exists. In complex trauma, the brain and body may misread neutral or even safe cues as dangerous, keeping the person in defensive states and making it hard for the body to rest and regenerate "ventral". Consequently, making being present, open, connecting and engaging with others in a non-reactive way almost impossible.
Together, we can learn how your autonomic nervous system responds to stress or signs of danger, explore and practice various somatic interventions to support you in regulating your nervous system and finding your way to calm and wellness.
About Me
Gaik Kee "Grace" Khoo
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
I am Gaik Kee "Grace" Khoo, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) located in Fremont, CA. I have over 12 years of licensed clinical experience in helping individuals and couples on their path to emotional well-being as well as meaningful and satisfying relationships. I specialize in working with relationship challenges, complex trauma/relational trauma, negative sense of self, family and cultural burdens, and affect/emotional dysregulation, with a particular focus on clients from Asian cultural backgrounds. Drawing from my own lived experience navigating the complications living in both eastern and western cultures, I bring a deep understanding and compassion for my bicultural clients in searching for inner peace while juggling both cultures' blessings and burdens. I provide individual and couples therapy in English and Mandarin.
I am a certified Clinical Trauma Professional (by Evergreen) with a unique blend of trainings in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFIT level 1 certified), Internal Family Systems (IFS informed), Polyvagal Theory informed, and TEAM-CBT (level 2 certified).
I believe in showing up with curiosity and openness, connecting with my clients authentically, and making therapy sessions a safe space to track, order, make sense of your struggles, and evoke change.
Email me or call me 510-766-1660 to schedule for a 15 minutes phone consultation. I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Contact Me
Where to find us?
Simply Empowering Marriage and Family Counseling, A Professional Corporation
Address:
39210 State Street, Suite 200,
Fremont, CA 94538
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Gaik Kee "Grace" Khoo
2007
My Journey Begins
Being passionate in the field of Psychology, Grace pursued graduate study at University of San Francisco and obtained her Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy in August 2007.
2012
A Therapist is Born
During Grace's 5 years of employment as a Clinical Therapist at Community Health for Asian Americans (formerly known as Asian Pacific for Psychological Services before year 2009), she witnessed how emotional, psychological, interpersonal and substance issues, in addition to real-life and financial demands, can severely impact individuals, their families and the community's functioning. With clients ranging from 4 to their mid-50s, she provided individual, group, couple and family counseling using various theoretical frameworks. She served individuals and families from diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds, including African American, Hispanic, Caucasian and Asian.
2013
Became Licensed!
Grace Khoo became a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in February 2013. She worked as a Mental Health Clinician for the Children and Youth program at Portia Bell Hume Behavioral Health and Training Center in Fremont. She assisted children/youth age 5 to 21-year old in stress management during individual therapy and worked with the entire family in resolving their family conflict during family therapy.
2014
Experience in Intensive Outpatient Program
Grace also worked as a Bilingual Clinical Case Manager for the Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) at Edgewood Center for Children and Families in San Carlos. She provided counseling services to youth and their families who needed a higher level of care than weekly outpatient therapy. Some of the presenting issues included depression, anxiety, aggression, low self-esteem, poor social skills, suicidal ideation and self-harm behaviors, poor impulse control, unhealthy stress management, body-image issues and high levels of family conflict. She also enjoyed being part of the ASIS team and assisted the team with creating therapeutic curriculum that included expressive arts, body movement and social-skills building activities for the daily group session.
2016
Private practice formed!
Grace's practice is primarily focused on relationship and mood issues. While her orientation is in family systems, she incorporates the advanced CBT-TEAM model, an evidenced based approach developed by David Burns, M.D., in her clinical work. She believes in respecting her client's readiness and willingness in wanting the change. By providing a safe, non-judgemental space, she hopes to empower her clients to discover their inner strengths and learn new tools to cope with challenging situation.
The fee for the initial intake (80 mins) is USD280. The fee for the regular session (45-50 mins) is USD230. Payment is due in the beginning of each session.
I am an out-of-network provider. If you have out-of-network mental health benefits that cover the counseling work that we do together, I can provide a monthly summary receipt which you can submit to your insurance company to request for partial reimbursement.
A 48-hour advance notice is required to cancel a scheduled session without any penalty. If cancellation is within 48-hour of the scheduled session, you will be charged a full regular session fee.
Confidentiality is one of the most important component between a client and therapist. Successful therapy requires a high degree of trust with highly sensitive subject matter that is usually not discussed anywhere but the therapist's office. You can expect that what you discussed in session will not be shared with anyone. Sometimes, however, you may want your therapist to share information with someone on your health care team, but by law your therapist cannot release this information without obtaining your written permission. State law and professional ethics require therapist to maintain confidentiality except for the following situation:
To report suspected past or present abuse or neglect of children, dependent adult and elders to the authorities, including child protection and law enforcement, based on information provided by the client or collateral services.
When a client presents a danger to self, to others, to property, or is gravely disabled.
Because each person has different issues and goals for therapy, therapy will be different depending on the individual. In general, you can expect to discuss the current events happening in your life, your personal history relevant to your issue, and report progress or any new insights gained from the previous therapy session. Depending on your specific needs, therapy can be short-term, for a specific issue, or longer-term, to deal with more difficult patterns or your desire for more personal development. Either way, it is most common to schedule regular sessions with your therapist (usually weekly). It is important to understand that you will get more results from therapy if you actively participate in the process. The ultimate purpose of therapy is to help you bring what you learned in session back into your life. Therefore, beyond the work you do in therapy sessions, your therapist may suggest some things you can do outside of therapy to support your process. People seeking psychotherapy are ready to make positive changes in their lives, are open to new perspectives and take responsibility for their lives.
People have many different motivations for coming to counseling. Some maybe going through a major life transition (unemployment, divorce etc) or are not handling stressful circumstances well. Some people need assistance managing a range of other issues such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and relationship problems. Therapy can help to provide some much needed encouragement and help with skills to get them through these periods. Others may be at a point where they are ready to learn more about themselves or want to be more effective with their goals in life. In short, people seeking counseling are ready to meet the challenges in their lives and ready to make changes in their lives.
Emotional Wellness Questionnaire
What is mental health? Mental health includes our emotional, psychological and social well- being. Having a healthy mental health is equally as important as having a good physical health. Our mental health affects how we think, feel, act and how we relate to others. What is the status of your current mental health? Take a few minutes to complete the Emotional Wellness Questionnaire below to figure it out for yourself.
Emotions
Thoughts
Behaviors
If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to three or more from each of the category above, for more days than not in the past week, you are likely to have undiagnosed mood disorders and you could benefit from therapy.
You can have a meaningful life with inner peace, happiness and freedom. Email me or call 510-766-1660 to schedule a free 15 min phone consultation to explore possible treatment options.
Intimate Relationship Wellness Questionnaire
What is an intimate relationship? Intimacy refers to the closeness and connection that you have with another person. Maintaining a strong intimate relationship allows you to freely express your thoughts and emotions, vulnerability and to receive validation and support in return. How is your relationship doing today? Take a few minutes to complete the Intimate Relationship Wellness Questionnaire below to figure it out for yourself.
If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to three or more from the above list, your relationship is in trouble. Therapy can help you and your partner moving from gridlock to dialogue, turning toward each other rather than turning away, and treating each other with respect, kindness and love. Email me or call 510-766-1660 to schedule a free 15 min phone consultation to explore possible treatment options.
